Thursday, 18 October 2012

Life challenge - week - 40 - negative or toxic people

Wow this one has come at the right time for me (okay we seeing as I'm behind I just grabbed it as it was appropriate right now). Negative or toxic people take a lot of time.

I have (had) a friend who wants a lot of my time, lets call him Joe. We are at different stages in our lives – me with a young family, Joe’s kids are older and more independent. For me, my family comes first, they are young, they need me.

I wanted to be friends, I did like Joe. I would try and keep up to Joe’s messages but would respond when it suited me, not when I received them. But this just caused more issues with follow up messages as to why I hadn’t responded. In short, Joe liked me a lot, wanted to spend a lot of time with me/communicating with me and expected me to feel the same. Joe wasn’t my best friend, but to him I was.

We had been friends for over 7 years. A few times this year Joe decided he needed to get over me and we would stop talking/messaging. Joe knew his feelings were stronger than mine. It would last about a week until I would get another message. And all would be well again. When I would get the messages about “taking a break” I would always thing WOW – it’s all or nothing isn’t it. We have to text/chat etc daily, or we can’t be friends at all.

Can a friendship last where one person feels more strongly about the other? I thought so, I thought I was managing it seems I was wrong.

This friendship has recently (just this week) ended. I’ve been un-friended from FB and have been told I won’t hear from Joe again....I’m not sure how I feel. It was my fault it ended – I know that. I think I feel it’s for the best. I didn’t have the time Joe wanted from me. I constantly felt smothered and Joe felt ignored or neglected. Now Joe feels hurt and resentful. Joe had an unhealthy obsession for me. So I’ve got to come to terms with the fact the friendship was probably toxic for both of us. Time to move on and try and foster my positive friendships.


  1. Gosh Bec, I feel for you. To me you've definitely got the right outlook on this friendship though. It reminds me of the old "friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for life" chain email. Sounds like your season together is over, & that's OK. Like you say, there's positive friendships to be nurtured, so have fun!

  2. Oh Bec, it must have been difficult for you. Friendships are such funny relationships. You did the right thing, I like how you acknowledge that the friendship was probably toxic for both of you. chin up you did the right thing. good on you. :)

  3. Oh Bec, this does sound like a tough thing to go through, but I agree with Rita & Shellebelle that it sounds like you are doing what is best for you and that is sometimes all that you can do!